Going from having to being in-laws!

When my husband and I first got married we wanted to move away from both of our parents. So as soon as my husband graduated we moved from Utah to Chicago. Both of our mothers were both very controlling and were upset with the other because they thought that the other one was controlling us. In reality neither of them were controlling us. We lived so far away that we lived our own lives the way that we wanted to.

When it came to meshing our two families it was not a very hard thing to do. We were lucky in the fact that our parents and families had a lot in common. We were able to take the things that we wanted from each of our families and form our own traditions. We were also lucky that both of our families accepted the choices that we made.

Now I am an in-law. My son was married last December.

 I now understand  how hard it was for my parents and in laws. I have a wonderful daughter in law and she has made a great addition to our family. Though I can see some of the things that her and Baxter are doing that he normally my son would not of done. I am not saying that this is a bad thing because I can see how she is changing him for the good. I am doing my best to try and be a kind understanding and grateful mother in law. It was hard giving up and letting go of my first born. I can see how the things that he has learned and the characteristics of being the first born have made being married easier for him.

I have four children so it was interesting when I read the descriptions about each child.

   Firstborn – My firstborn is Baxter and he followed most of the characteristics. He does tend to take charge and is very good with setting a budget and saving money. He also if very ambitious and is very hard on himself.

·     Second Born – My second child is Bennett. He also follows a few of the characteristics described. He does hate being controlled and he does really care what other people think of him. He also tends to spend money more freely then my oldest. I would have to say however that it is not really important for him to keep up with the Joneses.

·  Middle Born – 3^rd child, first girl, Maritza. She often reminds us of the time that we left her at culver’s and had to turn around to get her. She is my peacemaker and does try to please everyone. However she does not seem sensitive to having things fair.

         Last Born – Cassie is my last child and my second girl. She is spoiled rotten and pampered. Though that is where the similarities end. She is great with her money and is very kind, loving and hilarious.

Who's the boss?

Who’s the boss? Is a very interesting question. I have always struggled with the attitude that because a man has the priesthood he is the boss. I was in a leadership meeting with the stake young men’s president and the stake young women’s president. I have actually been in many but in this particular situation the yw leader kept deferring every question that was asked to the ym leader, even if it was a question directed at her. Needless to say this drove me crazy. I understand that we need to respect the priesthood authority that they have but that does not mean that we have to be subservient to them.

D&C 121:39 - We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

As women we need to not let this happen. It is our responsibility to not let men have this kind of control. I was just talking to my husband about this. He is the stake President and has had to deal with this happening a lot. He also mentioned that having a personality that is controlling it is hard to not let that happen when women are not willing to stand up and voice their opinion. So it is our responsibility as women to voice our opinions and make sure that we are being heard or we will be put along with the men with allowing them to have unrighteous dominion.

Why is “SEX” taboo?

Most people when they are telling their children about sex they focus on the aspect of avoiding sex and how bad it is before marriage. The part that we tend to not focus on is that, sex is designed by our Heavenly Father.

When talking to our children we need to let them know that although sex is inappropriate before marriage it is something that is to be experienced in marriage. We need to let our children know the importance of sexual intimacy to Heavenly Fathers plan. It is a sacred and joyful thing if done in the correct and appropriate way. If this is not something that we tell our children they will not be ready for what is going to happen when they do get married.

When I was engaged to my husband his roommate was also engaged. I was speaking to his fiancé one day and she was letting me know how scared she was for her wedding night. She mentioned that her fiancé was willing to be patient and wait as long as she needed him to. It was shocking to me that she felt that way. Now as an adult and after reading this weeks assignments it made me realize that she was probably scared about sex and not really informed about what it really meant. If her parents had been more forthcoming about what sex was really about she might not have been so scared.

I also wanted to talk about the following questions.

1.   As a married person, what are some wise precautions you will take to safeguard your marriage from infidelity.

2.   In marriage, what will you do to help protect yourself and your spouse from the damaging influence of pornography?

My husband travels at least 2 weeks out of every month. There are quite a few things that he does to avoid the above situations.

1.   He never watches TV when he is in a hotel. This makes sure that he does not have any chance of even mistakenly coming across pornography.

2.   He makes sure that he is never alone with someone of the opposite sex.

3.   We also Skype every night before bed. We do this to make sure that we can say goodnight every night.

If we are happily married why do we argue?

Perpetual problems are 68% of problems that couples face. Dr. Gottman said, “When choosing a long-term partner… you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or fifty years.”

Over this last week I have been paying more attention to the little problems, arguments, or disagreements that my husband and me were having. I have to say that the above quote is so very true. I have found the last week that we have a few of the same arguments. They really are not big deals. They are mostly just little disagreements just like Dr. Gottman said.

* Why do I always forget my log in and pass words?

* Why can’t he just listen to me when I am giving him directions?

* Why can’t I do the laundry when I am home during the day?

* Who’s music we listen to while in the car.

These are a few that came up this week. These are disagreements that we have been having for years and probably will for many more. There were more when we first were married but since then we have found ways to manage our conflicts.

In my opinion I think that forgiveness goes hand in hand with having perpetual problems. I think that in the last 24 years my husband and I have had many problems come and go. They change over the years as our marriage had changed and also as we have grown.